did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
