vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
