I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I wish I only lived at night.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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