I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
