you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
