omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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