So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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