Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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