I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Randomize
