Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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