I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
