just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
