Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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