I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
