Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
