I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
