So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
