Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so let's talk penis.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
