It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
