he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
