So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
