puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
