That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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