He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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