And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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