Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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