just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover