I think I won the penis lottery.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.