Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"