I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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