Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to