You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
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Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
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