I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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