He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
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He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
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I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked