this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
