I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
