Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
