I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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