so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
