I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize