paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
