Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize