It's Friday. Sex?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
