I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
