I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
