If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
