Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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