this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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