I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
wow bdsm is so cute
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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