my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
