we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
