as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
