Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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