peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
