I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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