You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
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woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
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My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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