Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
