I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
