So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
