Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
