my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
