dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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