i think i have herpe
just one?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
be right there i have to get my cape
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
