someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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