So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
