saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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