It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
