i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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