I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
