Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
