Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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