i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
