2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
