I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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