well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
