So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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