why didn't you poke me back
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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