I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
