and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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