he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
