It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
