she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
