Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
