HIV tests are more positive than that guy
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
