was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You are the jesus of drinking
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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