my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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